I write this fully aware that I could be an endangered species after its all over. I really don’t own much property, so all my possessions I leave to my mother, the whisky in my house I leave to my boys and my Manchester United jersies I leave to my 2 year old cousin who loves football but he just don’t know it yet.
Now, filters and Photoshop. There is a reason God created you the way you are. We cannot all be slim, we cannot all be light skins, we cannot all have natural, long, free flowing hair and we most certainly cannot all have perfect eyebrows. I would like to believe there is a purpose we were all created the way we were. Life/Nature needs to have a balance, that is why we have different sexes.
Social media has been used for good, for bad, for business, to raise awareness, to avert & tackle disasters and unfortunately, for spreading the greatest lie on looks. More often that many would like to admit, shock and utter disbelief have reigned supreme when you meet face to face with people you have been engaging with online. Complexion can be as light and flawless like a baby’s back side on that Picture you have online but in reality it’s a dark/scorched and uneven face like a Githurai Matatu’s front bumper.
Yes, looking good raises your self esteem, in fact it’s advised-on these white people shows on TV showing makeover shows right before the show on botched plastic surgeries. However, lying to yourself and others is also a crime against humanity. A guy might have invested emotionally on you based on your filtered pictures online, only for him to willingly ask the waiter during the date to give him raw fish to hasten food poisoning so he can go home and spend the entire night trying to be Sebastian Vettel on a toilet bowl-feeling sorry for how his life turned out & constantly asking at which point it went all wrong.
False advertising is wrong. There’s a guy who sued Redbull once for saying that Redbull gives you wings and he never got some when he drank it. One of these days a guy should be allowed to sue a woman for false advertising. Pictures you put online should be a true reflection of how you look in life. There is no need trying to look like Marilyn Monroe while the reality is the complete opposite. Why would you want to subject another human to such disappointment? Some of these unlucky guys actually cannot bear the humiliation they undergo after their make friends know about the botched date they consider jumping in front of a Citi Hoppa coming down valley road when there is no traffic. You go to meetings and someone says hi to you like you have known them since you were in diapers and you look back at them like the people who preach in buses. “You don’t recognize me?” That’s the next question and the obvious answer is yes. They tell you the name they use online and you go “Aaaaah, yes, you are well?”. You might call that guy a snob but really, how would you expect to be recognized if all your photos online look nothing like you in reality?
Filters and Photoshop are good, they make everyone a Nat Geo photographer, they make a plate of Githeri look like cuisine straight from a top hat chef’s kitchen, but those are unnatural things. You are most beautiful 10 seconds after you leave your bed, embrace that. A little make up isn’t bad, but please don’t end up looking like a geisha. Other than that, embrace your beautiful dark chocolate look, some men actually prefer those to light skins.
So please, stop with the filters already!
*Books a flight to Timbuktu*